“Grief is love that has no place to go”.

I have heard that grief is love that has no place to go...so I pour that love into other things and other people to try to make my sister's death have meaning & purpose.  This blog is an example of something to make meaning from my experience.   I recently saw an Instagram post that resonated with me. I have shared the screen shots below as photos & apologize that I can't remember which account I found it on to give it proper credit.

"How random and fragile life can be."  September has always been hard for me.  My sister died on September 14th, 1999.  This was the 23rd anniversary of her death & 23 was her favorite number(23 letters in her full name).  My daughter often does and says things that remind me of my sister, as she gets closer to the age my sister was when diagnosed with cancer.  I hear Green Day's "Time of your Life" on the radio and I remember her funeral where it played.  I eat Kraft Mac & Cheese and am reminded of her favorite foods.  I pet my cat and remember Joslin's love of all pets-especially cats.  All random things somehow connected to my sister that add up and feel like a ton of grief all at once.

"You are not OK.  You might not ever be OK."  I have come to accept that OK has changed over the years.  I accept that there are OK good days and OK sad days.  I live daily the duality of living a life of joy and also longing for my sister.  There is no "getting over" or "better" from grief-it just is. It has become the fabric of my day to day life.  My "normal" is different than the "normal" prior to my sister's death.  I strive, as this post says "To live inside the love that remains."

Some changes going forward for this blog, I will not be posting on the 23rd of each month as I have run out of guest bloggers and I don't think I have enough insights or witty things to say myself.  When I encounter people willing to write, I will post in that month on the 23rd(my sister's date of birth). If you are feeling a gentle tug to tell part of your story or anything you wish to share, please email me at jessicajdagel@gmail.com for more information.  You can remain anonymous if you wish.