Over these years, I have learned to live without her while finding small ways to love the things she loved. Green Day's "Good Riddance" comes on the radio or plays at Menards and I smile, thinking of her. Petunias and rainbows and ladybugs all remind me of her and I chuckle to myself thinking about the time she carried a baby deer home thinking it was lost. Annika and I chat about the many ways she reminds me of the aunt she never met. I text my mom when something crosses my path that I think Joslin would have enjoyed. I daydream about Heaven and picture her having tea and sweets with my Grandmas, patiently waiting for more of our family to join the party.
As many have already said, there is no end to grief. Some people say there is a hole to remind us of the love we felt and continue to feel still. Twenty five years on, the only think I am sure of is this: my grief is really just love for what she loved. To remember and talk about her and say her name and eat Kraft Mac & Cheese and drink Mountain Dew(Diet now) and and to wrap gifts extra fancy are all reminders of her. She lived. She loved. She died. I live. I love. Someday I will see her again and in that I am comforted.
If you have a grief story, share it with someone. If you know someone in grief, ask them about their loved one. Sit with them & be present. Be a healer. Honor your person with acts of love and they live on.