Guest post: I Still Feel Scared Sometimes by Mary Ellen Dirkson

I Still Feel Scared Sometimes

My brother, Rob, died by suicide fifteen years ago now.

I’m a grown adult, with an oldest daughter in college and youngest almost in middle school.

I’ve studied serious topics, all my degrees and diplomas framed on my wall.

I’ve gone to counselors for ten years and they all confirm I’m not suffering from some serious mental disease or irresolvable pain.

Yes, I know better than to worry the entire bottom of life will fall out.

But I still feel scared sometimes.

Forever

I ran across this on twitter from a "grief expert" that I follow, Megan Devine.  Her website and tweets have helped me immensely with my own processing and how to be a better friend and support to others in grief.  Each semester I speak to our Leadership class about appreciation and gratitude.  I talk about my sister and explain that while I certainly am not thankful my sister died, I am thankful for the person I became because of the experience.  I can look back and see that what bloomed from her sickness and death is a flower of kindness and empathy for those in need.  "you will never be the same nor should you be the same."  Each experience of our lives shapes us into a new version of ourselves, if we let it.

-Jess