"Finding my strength after the storm" Guest post by Bethany Crouch

 

Iowa's unmatched weather patterns are eerily parallel to my last decade of life. Sure there have been anticipated season changes like winter swiftly turns to spring by late April and then steadily pacing us right into scorching hot temperatures in the middle of July. There have also been a few unmatched derechos or tornados with devastating storm damage in my life leaving me cautious to go outside and assess the damage but yet oddly capable to see the good that might come of it. In a few short weeks as another season begins to visibly change our trees around us it will be the tenth anniversary of my twin brother suddenly passing away in a motorcycle accident. 

 

Like many traumatic or significantly impactful events in our life we remember everything about the day(s) around the event. We remember the day before that lead up to the event we remember the moment we found out and started to understand the event, and then we remember the hours and long days following it as we process through each of the incremental steps towards the next season in our life. Ten years ago on Labor Day weekend, it was a warm sunny Sunday with a high in mid 80s. My husband, 3 year old daughter, and I had gone swimming for the last time of the season and we were tired from all the outdoor time.  Sleep came easy for me that night which was rare because I was also 35 weeks pregnant with twins. Later that night, I was woken up and told that my twin brother David had died in a motorcycle accident. He had been out with a friend around 10:30pm and lost control of the bike.

 

I was not ready for this storm or the forced season change to come because of it but I also didn't anticipate the humbling amounts of people that surrounded me and supported our family throughout the days ahead of us. When the sun rose the next morning we began packing and preparing for a trip to Wisconsin where David resided. My high risk pregnancy, being 35 weeks with multiples, made us question if I could leave the state so we reached out to our doctor and took a printed copy of my medical papers with us, packed our hospital bag, two unopened car seats, and began our five hour drive north. The week we spent there, staying with family, preparing and then celebrating David's life was difficult but ignited my journey of survival.

 

Ten years have passed since I survived this storm. It forced me to a season of my life without my twin brother. The storm was hard but the recovery after was harder. I am sure those of you reading this who have survived a hurricane or tornado could agree with the aftermath being harder than the actual storm itself and becoming changed by the people that help you along your road of recovery. Growing up a twin in the 80s was interesting but being boy/girl twins have even more unique qualities. Add in the fact that my dad is a twin (to a sister) and that I have my own set of boy/girl fraternal twins and you have a real life anomaly. My brother knew about the twins being boy/girl but sadly never got to meet them. I was able to carry my twins full term and delivered them, as scheduled, in October exactly one month after David's funeral. It was the hardest day of my life because I knew my life was forever changed and he wasn't there.

 

Having the twins was not what gave me strength through this storm, ironically they depleted my strength, but with multiples many people empathized with the struggle and came out to help us. So many friends, colleagues, church friends, neighbors, and distant family who might not have known David or our recent loss but just out of kindness reached out with meals, transportation, gifts, helping with laundry, and much needed wisdom and grace. I was given sacred advice early on in my recovery that I needed to become a "yes" person when people say "let me know what you need" to actually follow up with it.

 

Over the past ten years God has taught me, through others, life experiences, and in prayer, that accepting help from others is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength. When I allow others to help me they feel good and feel seen as a person. When others feel good they are going to have a better day, their mental health will improve and when they are in need of support they will feel comfortable reaching out to you for help. We all want to make this world a better place and when we allow others to do that FOR US we are including them in our journey WITH US. Whatever storm you are in, whatever recovery season you going through, find your strength IN the storm. Find your strength when you say yes, borrow strength from the people who show up, the people who make you Lasagna, come by on Thursday nights to hold the baby so you can shower, leave you a Starbucks coffee on your front porch on their way to work, or who just smile at you and get out of your way in Target while you push your double stroller and pull your extended cab cart with preschooler delightfully eating a cake pop.