Halloween Memories: Guest post by Sara Tourte

 

“It’s about to be Halloween/you could be anything you wanted/if you were still here” – Ronan by Taylor Swift.

It’s almost been ten years since I last heard my brother’s voice.  January 22, 2022 will mark ten years since Joe’s passing. This time of year brings floods of memories with Joe. Memories of him dressed up as his favorite superhero at Halloween, memories of him and I trick or treating in our neighborhood, and memories of him planning for the next Holiday. Joe would always say “and then” until we got to the next Holiday being Christmas or his birthday - Joe LOVED presents!  While his constant “and then” interrogation would drive us crazy, there’s nothing my family and I wouldn’t give anything to hear him say those words again.   

The night we lost Joe, one of his doctors pulled me aside and explained that she too had lost a sibling.  She was off the clock but came in that night to say goodbye to Joe and give her condolences to our family.  I remember her telling me that there will come a time when I meet new people and they ask if I have a sibling, that I will have to either go through the explanation of what happened to my brother or find another way to answer that question.  She told me that whatever I decide is fine because no matter how I answer that question my brother knows I loved him.  I wish I had her contact information today to tell her how much that conversation has meant to me over these last ten years.  It wasn’t until I met new friends or tried dating that I realized how impactful that conversation has been in my life. I’ll always be grateful to her for taking that time with me and for her letting me know that unfortunately I’m not alone in this club of people that have lost siblings. Sadly, over these last ten years I’ve witnessed three close friends lose a sibling.  I’ve thought about these friends so much while I write this blog.  I pray that like Joe’s doctor was to me, that I’ve been able to give some light to them during their dark days.

Grief can be a funny thing; your day can be seemingly “normal” and then something minor can trigger your grief.  Just today I was participating in a company “name that tune” event, during the Disney round I expected songs from Beauty and the Beast, Toy Story, The Little Mermaid, etc., I didn’t expect the song You’ll be in my Heart to come on.  This was the song that we played at Joe’s funeral.  Every lyric reminds me of Joe and his love for me, his family, and his movies. Almost ten years later and to this day, hearing just a small clip of that song gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.  There is no time limit on grief and there is no right way to grieve.   Even on the days that my heart is breaking, I will always find a reason to smile for Joe.