"It doesn't get easier, you just learn to carry it"

I love podcasts & audiobooks! They allow me to listen & learn while I clean, bike, or usually-crochet. One of my favorite podcasts is "Everything Happens" by Kate Bowler. On a recent episode, she interviewed Jerry Sittser, who lost his mother, wife, & youngest daughter in a car accident 30 years ago.  He speaks candidly of his grief journey and how as humans we often try-and fail-at making meaning from terrible things that happen to us.  Jerry said that people are looking for answers and that he didn't really come to one until he realized there are no answers.  "I've learned it doesn't get easier, I just learned how to carry it." 

"You never think it will happen to you or your family" Guest post by: Breigh Ricketts

Warning: This guest author's brother died by suicide & had mental health challenges. If that is difficult for you to read or process, feel free to skip this post.

I had a brother, Brandon, who was about 2 years older than me. I looked up to him, and we shared many of the same friends upon my entering high school. Brandon had a lot of Mental Health issues that dramatically altered his personality. During those times there was no way of knowing how he would act. Nevertheless, there were still so many days where he was an awesome big brother that I looked up to, but Brandon had a secret, a secret that he never confided in about with anyone. He no longer felt he had a reason to live.

Becoming an Only Child: Guest Post by Amanda Held Opelt

 

Almost a year ago, I gave birth to my second daughter.  Two girls, between two and three years apart, just like me and my sister.  Watching them grow up together has unearthed some of my oldest memories, moments from my earliest days of childhood, recollections that are hard to differentiate from my imagination.  Watching my youngest daughter look up to her big sister stirs in me a longing and has exposed new surfaces of my grief.   “This is ok,” I tell myself.  “It is ok to feel this.  This is part of the process.”

The Ball and the Box: A visual representation of grief

It has been 23 years since we last celebrated a birthday in-person with my sister.  In January of 1999, her cancer had returned, spread, and not responded to treatment. We knew it would probably be the last one, so my parents booked the Cutty's Resort party room and we invited everyone to a big birthday party for her.  Some of my friends from Central College shared a van and drove five hours each way to celebrate her and support us. Her friends, church members, and family members came for one last big party! I remember so much laughter that day and also a sense of dread-for what we all knew would be next.  

"Longer would have been nicer" Guest Post by Anne Williams

 

You don’t grow up expecting your younger brother to die, even when you’re told to expect it. You don’t live your life waiting for the grief. You just live.

I was only three and a half when James was born, I already had one brother, so was fairly disgusted with my parents for handing me another. I told them they had to name him Oscar, as in Oscar the Grouch, because I was mad.

"Regrets at the Holidays" Guest post by Jo Winkowitsch

 

Editor's note: This post is by my mom.  She has experienced much loss in life and I so appreciate the work she has done to help others in their loss, even as she grieves her own.  -Jess

Once I had an older brother.
This picture reminds me of that, and of happier days.  For a time there were only two of us kids. Two and a half years apart. I remember pretending to ride horses with him on the arms of our chairs, and ruling an empire with him outside our house. We had many fun times.
But that was before…

Before…

Halloween Memories: Guest post by Sara Tourte

 

“It’s about to be Halloween/you could be anything you wanted/if you were still here” – Ronan by Taylor Swift.

It’s almost been ten years since I last heard my brother’s voice.  January 22, 2022 will mark ten years since Joe’s passing. This time of year brings floods of memories with Joe. Memories of him dressed up as his favorite superhero at Halloween, memories of him and I trick or treating in our neighborhood, and memories of him planning for the next Holiday. Joe would always say “and then” until we got to the next Holiday being Christmas or his birthday - Joe LOVED presents!  While his constant “and then” interrogation would drive us crazy, there’s nothing my family and I wouldn’t give anything to hear him say those words again.   

Anniversaries, Holes and Thestrals: Post by Jessica Dagel

In a strange way, I consider myself lucky that I was able to be present, say goodbye, and prepare a bit for my sister's death. Many do not get that chance if the death is sudden or unexpected.  My memories of the day and week of my sister's death shine vividly in my mind's eye and as the anniversary approaches, I struggled to put words to my thoughts and emotions.  The first few years after she died, I tried to turn the thoughts off, however as the years have gone by, I have come to see these memories as sacred.  I have learned that life can be both painful and beautiful at the same time.

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Grief Awareness Day: Guest Post by Amanda Held Opelt

Today is National Grief Awareness Day.  It’s a strange thing to me, to consolidate our collective empathy and consciousness towards something that is such a universal human experience to one day.  But then again, maybe a day like today is needed because even though most of us have dealt with grief at one point in our lives, we like to compartmentalize it.  We like to pretend we can continue through life unaffected and unhindered by the losses we’ve suffered.  

Guest Post: When Words Don’t Heal by Mary Ellen Dirkson

“What you’re going through is hard.”

Six simple words I never heard.

In my heart, I begged for somebody to acknowledge the loss.

Out loud, I told people close to me, again and again, that I didn’t want to be cheered up.

"Just see me in pain and not make it about you!" I wanted to scream.

But they couldn’t seem to hear me, and didn’t say the words I needed to hear.